I Sinned, and This is What it Looks Like
I sinned the other day.
It fits neatly in my palm. I study it. It’s red and blue, which surprises me. I expected sin to be the color of vomit or something, but nope, this one is red and blue. It’s kind of soft too, but with sharp edges.
I took it to Jesus once –
– showed it to him and confessed…
…well, ‘confessed’ is probably too formal. I’m all about relationship with Jesus. I try to stay away from too much ‘religion’. So, basically, I showed it to him and said I was sorry for doing it (which I was). He forgave me.
Now I look at it, scrutinizing it.
If I look hard enough, long enough, it brings back the same feelings I had after I sinned. I figure, the more I study it the better able I will be to avoid it in the future.
The other day I took it back to show Jesus. I held it up to him, a frown on my face…sober, sorry.
He looked me in the eyes, fixedly. Then, without changing his gaze, He reached out and took my sin right out of my hand and threw it behind him without taking His eyes from mine. Then he put his arm around me –
– See… relationship –
I hugged him back and then after the appropriate time I pushed away from him and went to retrieve my sin. Picked it up, dusted it off.
Then I found a comfortable spot and sat with it,
examining it in the sunlight. It was strange. Even with the sun shining directly on it, it seemed to be in shadow.
Jesus came and sat down beside me, his shoulder touching mine. I smiled and then moved over a few inches. Just enough room to fit my sin. Then smiled again. A knowing smile.
He reached down, picked up my sin and threw it over his shoulder again without looking.
saw my sin sitting in the dirt. Further away this time.
I stood up to go retrieve it, but Jesus stood up in my way.
Jesus is a little taller than me so I had to stand on my tip toes so I could see behind him. I looked, wondering how I could get it back.
Jesus took my chin in his fingers and turned my head so he was looking straight into my eyes and smiled. I smiled. Then I looked back over his shoulder.
Jesus took my chin in his hands again. Looking into my eyes. I tried to hold his gaze, but I couldn’t. All I could think of was my sin. There. Behind him. I dropped my eyes to the ground and finally spoke.
‘But Jesus, I need it – to make sure I don’t do it again.”
He lifted my chin once again and replied,
“Anything you trust in more than Me – is an idol.”
My eyes went wide – the realization of yet another sin. Tears brimmed for a moment and then streamed down my face. I fell to my knees. The tears wouldn’t stop.
How could I do that to Him?
The dirt below me turned to mud. I began to mold the mud, wondering what color this sin would be.
Jesus grabbed me by the arms and lifted me up. Again taking my chin in his fingers he lifted my head and looked deep into my eyes.
The molded lump fell from my hands. I’m sure it made a sound when it hit the ground, but I wasn’t paying attention,
I was too distracted by the reflection of myself in His eyes.
“He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in the Lord.” Psalm 40:2-3